Dark Night
by D.D. Darcy
Summary: Jack's thoughts after "Scorched Earth"


Dark Night 

Dark Night by 

**D.D. Darcy**

  


**TITLE:** Dark Night  
**AUTHOR:** D.D. Darcy  
**EMAIL:** siamkatze_33@yahoo.com  
**DATE:** finished August 30, 2000  
**ARCHIVE:** Yes to Heliopolis, Stargatefan and Fanfiction.net; please link to http://www.geocities.com/siamkatze_33/fanfic/darknight.html (all others please ask)  
**CATEGORY:** Missing Scene  
**SPOILERS:** Scorched Earth  
**SEASON/SEQUEL INFO:** 4th season  
**RATING:** PG  
**CONTENT WARNING:** one swear word  
**SUMMARY:** Jack's thoughts after "Scorched Earth"  
**DISCLAIMER:** Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was written for entertainment purposes only and no money was made from this. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Please put "To D.D. Darcy" in the subject line if you want to email me. Feedback is welcome, flames will be ignored. Thanks to Siamkatze for beta reading.   
  
  


* * *

  
God, it is really dark tonight.  
  
Here I am, standing in my little home-made observatory staring up to the sky. It is covered by thick, quickly moving clouds, driven by a strong wind.  
  
No moon. Not a single star to see. Only darkness. Usually it makes me feel good to watch the stars. There are thousands of them to see, reliable, never changing, giving you time to study them as long as you want to. No matter what shit happens on earth, up there the stars shine bright. Every night.  
  
But not for me -- tonight. And... I'm not sure if they would make me feel better. Not this particular night. And I'm not sure if I could actually enjoy looking at them because I know that there are planets, as well. Because... on one of those planets Daniel had almost lost his life today.  
  
And I was the one who pushed the button to blow him up.  
  
**  
  
So -- why am I standing on the roof of my house shivering in the cold wind? Because inside there's light. And that damn telephone. There... it's ringing again.  
  
Would you stop doing this! I am not going to answer you!  
  
Maybe Sam's calling, or Daniel. Worried about me. But I can't talk to them, can't talk to anyone. Not now. I was lucky that General Hammond had dismissed me without any interrogation. He must have sensed the mood I was in after debriefing. And he knows I'll stay at home.  
  
Yeah, I know, he won't let me go like this and I will have to face him. But that'll be tomorrow.  
  
**  
  
A few hours are still left for me to face my own thoughts. To think about what I have done.   
  
It was sheer luck that nothing terrible had happened. And Daniel's excellent work, that changed the hopeless situation to a good one.  
  
Fact is, I pushed the button. I knew Daniel was on board of that damn alien ship.  
  
Dammit, Daniel, why did you do that? You knew I was going to blow up the ship. Okay, it's true, General Hammond didn't order me to... didn't even give permission. It was my decision. I'm the one who is responsible.  
  
Sam... I had to order her to construct the bomb from the Naquada-reactor. I'm not sure if she would have done it at free will. Maybe she even considered disobeying my order, hoping that something would stop that ship in time. But... she's military. She saw there was no option, maybe she even understood, and at last she obeyed.  
  
Why didn't you too, Daniel?  
  
**  
  
My heart stopped beating for a moment when Teal'c told me that the aliens had beamed you up.   
  
You should know me by now, Daniel. I had no choice. To me people of flesh and blood are always worth more than alien... creatures. Even if the aliens have a ten-thousand-year-old culture. We were running out of time. To me it was the only way so save the Enkarans by blowing up that destructive ship.  
  
So, why the hell did you take such a risk?  
  
I know, Daniel, if I ask you, you will explain it to me -- in ten thousand words. I guess I can't escape your explanation anyway, and to be honest, maybe I shouldn't.  
  
Okay, I have to admit that you've done a good job. A very good job. It was all your abilities that saved not only all the people but also these alien... things.  
  
But what if you had failed?  
  
There were only a few seconds left. Seconds, that make the difference between what I'm feeling now... and being a murderer.  
  
Yeah, Daniel, I'd have felt as if I'd killed you. Willingly. Doesn't matter that your life would have saved the whole population of that planet. Doesn't matter that you knew the risks. Doesn't matter that someone will maybe tell me that I did the right thing.  
  
The feeling to be a murderer would never go away. Nothing could erase it. No booze, no... It wouldn't work. I know. I've tried before. I've got experience.  
  
**  
  
The damn telephone again... I'm sure it's you, Daniel! Leave me alone! And don't get the idea to pop up here and maybe even bring Sam along!   
  
I will see you on time and hide. You won't find me. I don't want to talk to you or Sam now. I can't. Maybe tomorrow.  
  
I need to be alone. I need this night. I need this darkness.  
  
God, it's cold. I think the wind chills me to the bones.  
  
  


  
**End**


End file.
